Heavy Brain Space Began Without A Plan

I didn’t create Heavy Brain Space because I had a plan. I created it because I felt like I had disappeared.

I wasn’t writing, I hadn’t created music in several years, and I was stagnating in my PhD program. I was also failing to show up 100% for my family and friends. I was around, but I didn’t feel alive. I didn’t see purpose.

I was idly demonstrating competence, but not living with clarity or intention. I’d spent years measuring myself against standards I didn’t even believe in anymore. Productivity had replaced meaning. Output had replaced what I felt was my identity.

There were days where I would sit in front of my laptop or stand stand in front of my heavy bag and feel nothing. No sense of urgency; more like a dull pressure telling me to keep going, like a machine left idling.

Heavy Brain Space started as an escape hatch. And over time, it became something more. A container to house all of these fragmented parts of who I felt I was—scientist, musician, parent, boxer, hunter—but wasn't yet comfortable letting them coexist.

I’m a metal vocalist who regularly explores the turmoil of depression, rage, and culture through artistic expression. I'm a space plasma physicist studying the complex plasma and magnetic relationships between the Sun and its planets. I’m a father pushing myself to raise happy and healthy children. I'm a husband striving to be the partner I can respect from up close and afar. I'm a man who struggles with depression and a boxer who pushes himself every day to cope with it. I’m someone who screams loudly and feels deeply, wonders passionately but still seeks to know why. Heavy Brain Space is where these characteristics converge.

This project is slowly giving me the tools to rebuild my confidence, my sense of identity, and the excitement to create and learn. I started it because I needed to find my way back to being someone I cand admire and believe in.