Before Everything Fell Apart (and Started to Make Sense)

Before Heavy Brain Space.
Before Splitfuse.
Before earning a degree.
Before becoming a parent
Before acknowledging depression.

This was Fall 2018. I thought I was just juggling school, excitedly waiting for our oldest daughter to come into our lives.

What I didn’t know yet was that cracks were already forming.

The version of me smiling here had no idea how far he’d fall… or how much he’d have to learn about feeling before he could really see other people and become a happier, healthier person himself.

In 2020, depression stripped me down to what felt like bare bones. 2 years later, I started going to therapy, and this eventually taught me language to communicate things I’d only ever screamed out of anger or frustration.

The biggest thing has been learning about empathy. This has been a challenge because frankly, I do not instinctually care about everyone around me. It's not hate or malice, just distraction. But empathy seems to have rebuilt me — one conversation, one song, one real conversation at a time.

Now I look at this photo and don’t see a stranger. I see the seed of someone who would one day be a good dad, a passionate vocalist, a capable space scientist, and even start a multi-pillared project to make sense of it all.

If you’re in the before part of your story right now, please acknowledge that it’s okay. The version of you who understands "where this is all going" is still on the way.